we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
