textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
