...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
