I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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