Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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