So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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