What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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