I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
