Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
