i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
