So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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