i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
