Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
