I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
