We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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