i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
