smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
false alarm. still invincible.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
