could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
