the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You pole danced in your parka.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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