Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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