If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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