You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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