as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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