Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
