Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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