I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
