I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize