What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
