I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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