They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
