I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
