i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
