Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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