Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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