My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize