But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
