No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
