god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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