90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
