If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
