Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do herpes really smell.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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