Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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