wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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