just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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