THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
