the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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