So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
