Plan B is the new Plan A
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
