im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
