Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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