so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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