Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize