u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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