4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
