We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize