he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
