I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
