I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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