I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
