he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
