i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
