your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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