96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
