So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
