Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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