Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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