If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
