New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
